Merry Christmas, Everyone!

What's Right with Realism.

I must say that I appreciate reminders of the authentic experience of mangers, and Jesus' birth being in Israel (i.e. not in the cold and bleak mid-winter, no snow fallen on snow; sorry, Christina Rosetti).  Here's two good ones:

And here's another good reminder of what the manger scene might have actually looked like.

Even though, you know that donkey's going to eat baby Jesus' cradle hay. 

Divine Cuteness

If you really want to convey this message of Jesus' birth being among the 'least' of these, you would do better to portray an ugly, pitiable-looking baby, not a gleaming infant so adorable that all the other beady-eyed cute baby animals are drawn around him, with plans to attack and disfigure him and steal back the attention of Hallmark card designers across the land.

Eyes on Love

Sadly, big round, black pupils fail to make every animal equally adorable.  Especially not roosters.

Wimps and Whimsy

Dang, we are SPOILED.  Back in the day, people had to ride out in an open-top carriage to visit friends, with only a blanket ('and their love') to keep them warm.  Now we can cruise over in a nice heated car.  Or, better yet, sit at home and poke them on facebook.

I very well might have been the one staying home by the fire, letting the friends visit ME.

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Only in an era where folks can roll down the block to the local grocery store parking lot to pick up a tree does the image of a poor guy hauling a tree through the snow evoke nostalgia instead of empathy. 

Note that he was wise enough to pick a rather small tree relative to others out there.

Solstice Special: The Sadness of Snowmen

Okay, these are not Christmas cards.  They are real, live photographs of scenes I have seen this month. 

Please peruse.... the sad and melting:



The sad and poorly inflated, unable to even stand up straight:

And finally, the saddest of all.  The snowmen with the painfully large eyeballs (the bigger the cuter, right?):

Thank you, Midway Airport gift shop, for the worst toy of Christmas.

O Tannenwreath

This card makes me think one thing:

MMmmm, yogurt raisins.

Sunday Special: Peace on Earth

Here's another wonderful example of hand-crafted awesomeness by another Laura.  Keep on rocking!

 

And one more lovely little card, while not hand-made, is a great example of what beautiful cards are possible!

I'm Dreaming of a Green Christmas....

Sure, the building materials are slightly incongruous, but who's going to be too picky with the world's first LEED-certified gingerbread house?

But dessert construction isn't the only environmentally taxing part of the holiday season.

(You can't tell it from this pic but there are nice puffy white trees in the background of the card.)
 
Now, this is MY KIND OF SANTA!  Restocking the trees of forests chopped down to have greenery dragged inside homes across the land, sitting until needles turn dry and brittle.  The cycle of planting, felling, and decorating begins again.

Angelic Santas

Why is Santa flying and blowing a horn?  And what does the Santa angel have to do with peace?

In contrast, below here is a truly lovely Christmas angel, also from my great grandmother's stash:

Here's the text from the back of the postcard (in cursive, of course):

Dear Friend.   Rec'd card & was glad to hear from you. Will you be home Xmas?

Your Friend

Edith Berry

 

It's addressed to

Miss Sarah Breuer

Mt. Morris Ill.

Box 187

And sent from

Frederic Iowa, Dec 20 PM 1918

Mele Kalikimaka

This first one is from the set of authentic antique cards I inherited from my great grandmother.  (Well, they're postdated from the 1910s, so they'll all be antiques within the decade.  Close enough.)

But historicity is no excuse.  What kind of a Christmas greeting is this?

.... from South America?

Who would rub it in that they're somewhere sunny and flowery in December while the rest of us (like my great grandmother receiving this in Iowa) are suffering through whiteouts?  Or is this just a pre-printed image that they slapped the Christmas wishes onto?

Now, here's another form of the tropical Christmas greeting:

I kind of like it.  It's bright, cheerful, and a good reminder that Christmas is celebrated plenty of places without ice and snow.

But it's also slightly creepy: the lone evergreen silently slipping onto the shore, opening the gateway for a fully Europeanized, commercially colonized holiday?  (Like the Samoan churches we saw decorated with strings of plastic snowmen and reindeer adorning their rooftops.)  I'm wary, but I'll wait and see.

The Merry Menagerie: Bearly Tolerable

Okay.  By now you know I have two beefs with animal imagery in cards.  One is gigantic eyes (or heads).  The second is animals trying to behave like people.  Additionally, I scorn poorly designed crafts in the fantasy realm.  This card seems to hit plenty of grimace-worthy targets.

Kids dressed up in nativity pageant costumes are cute.  Baby animals are cute.  Baby animals dressed up like kids in nativity pageant costumes, however, are not cute.  It's double cancellation.  Stop already.

Snowmayhem

Does anyone else find snowmen to be NOT cute and charming, but rather, kind of creepy?

 

If you do still like snowmen, you will certainly find them creepy after this post.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!  MOMMY!!!  Now the snowman's trying to get in through the windows!  He's found us!  I promise I'll never throw snowballs again!!!!"

Or, as the inscription reads, we might hope our holidays "are as smiling as a snowman's face... all frosty and full of fun!"  Two observations:

1.  "smile" or grimace?  "full of fun" or full of gas?

2.  "smiles" that are "frosty" generally aren't a happy sign.

Anyway, I hope that you all have some nice, peaceful slumbers tonight, with visions of sugar plums and friendly snowmen dancing through your dreams.... mwahahaha!

Parade of Santas III: Take-off

Uh oh.

You'd think Santa would have figured this out by now, what with how much TSA's been in the news lately.  That bulky bag is a bit large for carry-on.  The stars and crescent adorning it don't help.  And that beard?  You just know he's getting an extra pat-down.

* P.S. I am hopping on a plane tonight, so I hope this post will bring me good luck!

Sunday Special: Retro Greetings

Vintage can't be beat!

Automatic bonus points for use of velvet texturing, even if the color clashes a bit with the border.  Ah, it is really satisfying!  Wish you could feel it, too. 

This FABULOUS card below could only be better if it were an original collage, with ribbons and embroidery and the lot, instead of a photo.  But for design, it can't be beat. 

Don't know how it made it as a Christmas card, but it was in the same box!  Why not?

Confused Religiosity

This one bugs me.  It appropriates the notion of 'belief' from Christian (real) Christmas but waters it down to secular themes, skirting close to theological concepts (angels, mystery) yet lacking the guts to be actually religious.  And yet this could hardly be called respectfully inter-faith; it's obviously Christmas oriented.  A weird hodge-podge. 

 

And here's another bad one.  There is absolutely no actual tradition behind this - it's just seven random concepts made up by card makers and slapped onto vaguely religious-sounding symbols.  Besides, it reduces the one critical element of Christmas celebration - Christ's birth and incarnation - and puts it on equal level with other tangential aspects of a holiday.

Doesn't fly in my book.

Art Imitating Literature: Mr. Pickwick Proposes a Toast

Nothing says "MERRY CHRISTMAS, LOVED ONES!" quite like a picture of drunk ol' Mr. Googly Eyes.

There's a bit of explanation on the back:

You see, it's an artistic reference to Dickens, so it's okay that it's creepy.

(Thanks for this classy find go to Jill, who volunteered this bizarre submission, from an actual card received by a friend of hers up in the snowy wilds of Minneapolis.)

The Merry Menagerie: Nice Mice

Is the mousey praying to the star ornament for some reason, or rubbing his paws in anticipation before eating it as a holiday treat?

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"Oh, how ADORABLE!  The vermin overrunning our home have gotten so bold they're going after our toddler!  Honey, get the camera!"

Parade of Santas II: Capitalizing on Christmas

I always knew Santa was a sell-out.

Not only does he outsource gift production, but then he goes and privatizes the shipment operations to that foreign freight conglomerate, and then he even forces the old reindeer to train their replacements before kicking them to the curb.  Jerk!

The Merry Menagerie: Too Much Hat

This card is not sweet if you are any sort of crafter, because you will know that if you make a hat that is so poorly fitted to its intended wearer, it is not cute, it is embarrassing.  I am sorry, but when you are working with inanimate plush objects, you should be able to make a hat that actually fits it.  Go back and try again.

The Merry Menagerie: Playful Penguins

Further use of the polar theme in evidence here.

It's kind of a charming idea.  After all, who doesn't like teamwork?  Especially for Christmas decorations?

But can we please finally agree that animals are NOT cuter when made to act like humans?  And in fact, they might actually be kind of creepy?  Like these penguins' next "teamwork" project might be poisoning Batman with some spiked Christmas cookies?

Sunday Special: Santa Penguin Parade

I was going to post a Santa card today in honor of Sankt Nikolaus Tag tonight, but we must interrupt our schedule for this very important addition to the line-up.

This is our first voluntary submission for the blog, and it is a winner!  Please enjoy this special treat for Sunday.   My friend Laura made this card her very self!  Santa caps added to the penguins for a perfect festive spirit.  Homemade touches can't go wrong.  Great job, Laura!

The Merry Menagerie: Polar Awareness

 
Sociological reflection: have we always seen so much use of polar animals in Christmas imagery (polar bears, penguins, etc.), or is this an effect of greater mainstream awareness of global climate change?  Well, I'm grateful for anything that builds sympathy for their plight, and this is a great way to incorporate some authentically secular winter themes into seasonal greetings (even if this card went for Christmas anyway).

Snobby Christmas!

What better way to celebrate the Christmas spirit than by proclaiming your elitism to all your loved ones?  I'm sure they want to be reminded of all the people in your life who you deem unworthy of receiving holiday greetings. 

Or maybe the inside text reads, ".... I send Chanukah cards, Winter Solstice cards, and Kwanzaa cards to everyone else!"

Please note:  When you choose to send this card, you had better be sure you keep the same mailing list for at least a few years.   They WILL be looking for your card next year.

Holiday Disappointment

If you really want to show you care at the holidays, please, don't send me pictures of cookies.  SEND ME COOKIES!!!

Divine Confusion

Jesus is the Light of the World!!!!

And to remind you of that, what better symbol could I offer than.... a glass ornament!  With angels on it! 

Nope, couldn't think of any better common symbol of Christmas to signify Jesus being the light of the world.  Not one.

Christmas Shopping Made Easy

Why on Earth didn't you tell me this BEFORE I blew all that dough on snowman sweaters?

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So this means you're not sending us presents, right?

Parade of Santas I: Gotta Go

This is one card I really wish I had the inside page to read.

It's so dramatic!  How ever will the suspense be resolved?  Why is Santa so impatient, eyeing his watch like that?  Does he expect the pup to be able to do his business with all those reindeer watching?  And what did that little dog do wrong to deserve having to wear that gigantic Bow of Shame?

Mysteries!

Sunday Special: Tree with Light

This is an excellent specimen of an elegant, simple greeting card.  Nice use of glitter, too.

The only bummer, especially on this first day of Advent - the weekend when trees go up in living rooms across the land: I only wish it didn't leave me feeling stressed out, reminded that there's so much more of the tree left to decorate!  <sigh>

The Merry Menagerie: Cats with Elephantiasus

Proof that enlarging animals' heads to suggest 'cuteness' can, in fact, be taken too far.

Origins and Intent: Taking Christmas Cards Too Seriously

From where did I get all these fabulous cards?, you wonder.

Well, I'm glad you asked.  Recycled art projects is the answer.  Last year, some of the kind folks at church gave me stacks of cards they had received from friends and weren't holding onto any longer.  Most of the cards had just the covers left, which are fun for crafts for the kiddies.  Several craft projects later, there were still many cards left.  I sifted through them and found a number that caught my eye, and here you have them. 


A Gentle Warning: 

Yes, there will be snark.  But not only snark.  The last thing I'd want to do is leave the impression that I don't like Christmas cards!  No, indeed!  When I say I like a card here, I mean it. 

I tried for several years to do real, paper cards, but my generation has lost the art of Christmas card sending.  Which I mourn!  (And then gave up on, as you see with this blog.)  So far be it for me to discourage anyone from sending cards, especially to me.  Keep 'em coming!

And of course, I would welcome submissions of your own gems of Christmas cards - bizarre or beautiful.

Welcome to the Advent Calendar

Okay.  You've done this before, right?  For every day in Advent, you get one little treat to help you through the impatience of waiting for Christmas to roll around.  In this case, your treat is a fun post about some of the most magical or mysterious holiday cards ever sent.  Come back each day and enjoy the cards and commentary.

Please note: Advent - the REAL Advent season - starts November 28, not December 1, thank you very much.

Sunday specials: to mark the special joy that Sundays bring during Advent, on Sundays, I'll post collections of cards I really like.  (Inspired by that excellent blog, Cake Wrecks, I don't want to leave a negative taste in your mouth, like there's no cards that are good enough for me!)  Other days, I'm not trying to be always negative - sometimes it's more wonder and amusement I'm left with.  But on any day, you can judge for yourselves and post your own comments.